Always Trust your Instincts

and a reminder to stop being so nice!

We’ve all heard that the surest way to make yourself happy is by seeking happiness for others, right? Well, the flip side of that coin is people-pleasing and a sneaky little thing called a savior complex. As a recovering people-pleaser, I recently ignored my gut (again) to “do something good” for a friend.

It was the early days of unemployment, and I convinced myself that investing in this person’s business was both a smart move and a supportive gesture. I was wrong. When I asked for my money back as agreed, my so-called friend switched up completely—becoming aggressive, unpleasant, and an unkind liar. I won’t bore you with the full details; but it was awful. What I will say is this: playing altruistic superhero while sidelining my own needs is a one-way ticket to Regretsville™. And honestly? I regret not trusting my gut. Simple as that.

We’re taught to follow logic as the gold standard often undermining instinct as an irrational emotional feeling; even though instinct is often more powerful and the basis for most of our decisions. For women you are expected to be nice and easygoing (especially when dealing with men). Meanwhile, your gut is calmly pulling your ears in the background, “NO, TOBI. DON’T. DO. IT.”

I’ve learned the hard way: when something feels off, it usually is. If my body tenses up when someone pitches me a “sure thing,” that’s not anxiety—it’s data. Your gut is constantly processing vibes, patterns, and subconscious red flags faster than your brain can rationalise. All you have to do is listen. And the best part? every time you do, trusting yourself gets a little easier.

Now, let me just say when shit hits the fan, some ‘friends’ will hand you the fan. And statistically speaking? In my experience, those friends have been men.

As someone who’s a Generator in Human Design (I wrote about that here), my gut is wired to give me a visceral “heck yes” or “nope, not for me.” But when I’m too busy “fixing” other people to avoid dealing with my own stuff? That inner voice gets muted. This time, I thought, “maybe this’ll make me feel… useful? Valued?” Spoiler: it didn’t. Turns out, my gut doesn’t care about my savior complex. It cares about my survival.

So, what now? I’m learning to hit pause when my brain starts spiraling into over analysis or people-pleasing. Does this feel expansive or shrinky? Does it spark curiosity or dread? I don’t need a 10-point pro/con list- just a gut check.

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The truth is your gut isn’t mystical; it’s muscle memory. It’s the accumulation of lived experience, and it’s there to protect you. Trust it. And if you’re constantly “helping” others while ignoring your own needs? Maybe… don’t. And thanks to my friends who helped me get through what was a difficult blow to my self esteem and ego. (Also, PSA: you’re better off giving your cash to charity than some dusty ass startup or crypto venture that you don’t understand. Better yet, just don’t give men your money. 🫠)

Have you ever ignored your instincts to play therapist/ATM/fixer and lived to regret it? Tell me in the comments.

Stay suspicious (in the best way) ❤️