Hinge remains unhinged at home and abroad.

Swiping Left on Mr. Wrong.

For years, I've been navigating the wild terrain of dating (apps) – and let me tell you, it's been a lot. Like most women in their late 30s, I'm dodging emotional vines and sidestepping sketchy profiles, searching for a decent match in a landscape that feels more unpredictable than UK weather. 🌚

My approach? Curiosity tempered with caution. I've learned to be realistic – effort doesn't always guarantee results, and some people just want to play games. But that hasn't stopped me from putting myself out there.

Age seems irrelevant – many men still struggle to be with a confident woman. This article perfectly captures the challenges we face, and I couldn't agree more!

This summer, on a trip to the UK, I decided to give dating another shot. Feeling optimistic about a change of scenery, I signed up for Hinge premium with my friend Yetty's help. We crafted a witty bio, uploaded photos showcasing my interests, (travel, food, music) and I began swiping. Sadly, not much had changed. Conversations rarely progressed beyond superficial topics, and keeping things going felt one-sided. It seemed like many guys weren't interested in putting in the effort to move beyond texting.

Then came Jude*, a 33-year-old Nigerian guy with whom I connected over our shared love of music and exploring new flavors. Our initial conversations were filled with music recommendations and swapping travel wish lists and stories. When we mentioned wanting to meet in person, Jude suggested Rochester where he lived, a place he described as brimming with historic charm and hidden culinary gems. Say less! I said. This was right up my alley as a history buff and I agreed to meet him there.

I booked an early train, excited to see if our virtual chemistry translated to real life. A few hours into our date I noticed his passive aggressive behaviour.

At the park in Rochester

The first red flags surfaced when I complimented the lake close to the park where we sat drinking coffee. Jude, in an accusatory tone, questioned if, as "a well traveled Lagos girl," I truly found this place better than Lagos. Confused, I clarified Lagos couldn't compare and questioned his thinking. “Lagos girl” had negative undertones which I found offensive. He apologized, but the pattern continued.

Throughout the date, he tried to bait me into unnecessary debates about tired topics like gender roles, finances, and cooking – the typical pedestrian stuff you find on social media. I could practically hear the clickbait headlines in his questions. Maintaining my composure, I used humor to deflect. He was looking for a fight, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of ruining my mood. This was not what I expected.

Dude, Wtf ?

The final straw came as I prepared to head back to London that evening. He expressed surprise that I'd actually shown up for the date that we planned! Reminding him of our detailed train discussions, my ticket purchase and text confirming this, I pointed out how my actions clearly showed my intention. I firmly addressed his dishonesty and inconsiderate behavior, letting him know it wasn't acceptable. He became defensive arguing that people didn't keep their word, in an attempt to justify his actions, which only made things worse and highlighted his immaturity.

This transparent attempt to deflect blame further solidified my decision. He mumbled an apology, which fell flat. We parted ways, and I was glad to be rid of his negativity.

In the past, such situations left me analyzing what I did wrong. Now, I call it out and move on. As we say in Nigeria “na from clap dance dey start” meaning: little things lead to big things.

While flirting with some matches was enjoyable, things ultimately tapered off for the usual reasons. Then, an acquaintance introduced me to Tunji*.

Initially, he did everything right. He drove two hours from Liverpool to meet me for a lovely dinner date. The conversation flowed, though he did most of the talking, which I didn't mind at the time. He even surprised me with orchestra tickets, encouraging me to enjoy them on my own. These gestures were refreshing, making me feel more open. Unfortunately, the momentum dwindled. We couldn't agree on communication styles and consistency. I prefer phone calls and video chats, while he favored texting, which lacks valuable cues and can create a false sense of intimacy.

Our Lagos date confirmed the incompatibility. His lateness spoke volumes – a clear sign of disrespect for my time. His responses were equally unproductive. It felt like a series of disconnected exchanges, leaving the conversation stagnant and draining. Exhausted by this, I politely ended the date, refusing to waste another minute on someone unwilling to put in the effort. We exchanged a few texts, but things fizzled out naturally.

Could I have done more? Absolutely not. Women are often expected to be the emotional cheerleaders, constantly prodding the conversation forward. It's an unfair dynamic, and I wasn't about to play that game. Letting things fade felt empowering, a clear message that I deserve better.

Looking back on these dates, I've learned more about what truly matters to me in a partner – respect, effort, and a genuine connection. Half-hearted attempts just won't cut it anymore.

For other women navigating the dating world, remember: your time and energy are precious. Keep your standards high, build your relationship skills, stay true to yourself. And while you're searching, embrace the freedom and awesomeness of being single!

Peace and love.

*Not his real name.